Pretzel Logic
Pretzel Logic, by Lisa Rogak
(reviewed in 1998)
I read _Pretzel Logic_ by Lisa Rogak, in one sitting. (Insomnia is such a mixed curse, sometimes.) 'Pretzel logic' is both an album title mentioned briefly in the novel, and [much more importantly] a term used to describe the contortions of thought a person can go through when their world changes, in an attempt to answer an incredibly perplexing question:
What do you do when your spouse comes out? "Morning, dear, I'm gay."
Before you stop reading this review with a wave of your hand, "well, that doesn't apply to *me*", let me tell you right now that it does. Because this novel *isn't* "just" about one woman finding out she's married to a gay man, it's about two people who love each other enough to get married -- only to find out that love isn't enough. In romance-obsessed America, it hurts to say it, but it's true: love isn't always enough. I can tell you that firsthand, and so can Emily Spencer, the protagonist of _Pretzel Logic_.
In all likelihood, *because* failures at love are so universal, *anyone* could tell you that. One of the interesting things about human beings is that such realizations take so long to sink in, and it is a very truthful, humorous, and loving journey to that realization that Rogak takes us on.
Emily is a reporter and the novel is told in first person -- she has a need to chronicle things: lives, deaths, and the stuff that happens in between. Including her marriage to Michael, who came out a few years later -- still married -- as gay.
"Didn't you *know*?", Emily may be asked. You might hear her answer, "Well, no, the sex was great and the emotional intimacy was fabulous." And then, gradually, not-so-fabulous.
Some of the things Emily and Michael must face include the question of his being 'bisexual' or on his way to coming out as '100% gay', the "oh, you'd like it if you tried it yourself" argument that gets used by both side of the gay/straight fence, sometimes in jest and sometimes in total seriousness, the cold slap of "when it's you it's making love, my having sex with so-and-so is just a physical need", and the loss of romance along with the sex. All this while publishing a newspaper together in a small, New Hampshire town.
There are no simple answers to the questions Emily faces, trying to fit her husband's sexuality into the puzzle of their lives. They are no longer the same, no longer part of a special clique all their own with its private language and cues, when Michael starts attending his married-gays meetings and Emily her straight spouses gatherings. These meetings preserve their respective sanities, at least most of the time. The ending of the novel is bittersweet. No one gets shot, and there's a potential for future happy endings.
I plan on recommending _Pretzel Logic_ to just about anyone -- you don't have to be gay, or a straight spouse, to read this book and get something out of it. It's refreshing, truthful, funny, and I wish I'd had it lying around to hand to my ex when we still lived together. Oh, no, it wouldn't have saved our relationship -- love simply wasn't enough for us -- but it might have reminded us both that there are people out there who've "been there, done that", and that's what helps -- knowing you're not alone.